Why???

March 30, 2007
    I made a very serious mistake on Wednesday where i really cannot forgive myself! I am so silly and i nearly cry on the way home just now. There are so much of work to do and i have been trying my best so far where i don’t know how long i can survive like that. I have been very tough these days and i am just not sure whether how long i can sustain like this and when is the time i will collapse. When i first set up by my colleague at work, i nearly cry in the office but i told myself to calm down and get the things done. I have never met people like that after i have been working for so long and i can only tell myself that this is life… There are ups and downs and probably it is good that i go through all this when i am still young, who knows?
 
    I have been asking myself whether i am suitable for this job or not and yet i don’t know the answer. Who can give me an answer? Alex told me that i need a break and i think i do…  If i can make it for my Medan trip, i am going to pamper myself with all the spa and massage packages there!

Forever Exhausted…

March 24, 2007
    I am tired in terms of mind and soul… My concern is whether i can make it for my trip to Medan or not this April. Joice and Jim told me that they already have all the shopping, spa and massage plans for us and i am really looking forward to my trip. I have not been travelling for almost half a year already and my life is just ‘work + eat + sleep’ only. Lam Lam claimed that my home is actually my hotel only as i spend more time at work compared to my home. She is right, how long will this kind of ‘lifestyle’ last?
 
    I am really not feeling well this week as i can feel that i am going to faint anytime and i cannot stand still too. What happen to me? I don’t want to be sick and i cannot allow myself to fall sick! Rene told me that her best friend just passed away yesterday and the lady just passed away where she couldn’t wake up after she slept. I am a bit scared and i am not sure this will happen to me or not as i can feel that something is not right with myself but i cannot tell what went wrong.
 
    I got the shock of my life when i knew that the new staff we just hired joined and left and everything happened within one week’s time. I am really disappointed as we need to go through the whole recruitment process again whereby i need to wait at least one month before the new staff can join us. I joked to my manager that i will be able to make it for my trip to Medan if i also resign by serving one month’s notice. I really do not want to miss my trip again as i did it once few years back when tsunami hit Medan. 
 
    I am exhausted….
 
    Real exhausted…
 
    How long is this going to last? Only time will tell…